From time to time we will have competitions and incentives for you to send us your favourite witticisms for our blog and to entertain our followers. So please send us any ‘thought for today’, wackacisms (witticisms), and every month we will highlight our favourite or the most commented on. Please send them using the form below.

“The best exercise for losing weight is pushing yourself away from the table.”

Joan Collins quoted in Spectator

“You can’t fall off the floor”

Maisy Supersausage

“When a feminist is married to a philanderer, we should not expect a well-tempered feminist.”

Bruce Anderson on Hilary Clinton in the Independent

“Hear no evil, speak no evil – and you’ll never be invited to a party.”

Oscar Wilde, quoted in The Sunday Telegraph

“Jazz is the only form of music that the musicians seem to be enjoying more than the audience.”

Adage quoted in the Times.

“The trouble with obsessive self-maintenance is that, while it might play a part in attracting a man, it is always a sure-fire way of getting rid of one.”

Jenny McCartney in The Sunday Telegraph.

“One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.”

Brendan Behan quoted in the Times

“When you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you. But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.”

Jerry Seinfeld, The Sunday Telegraph

“Sell a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man how to fish, you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.”

Karl Marx, The Independent

“A very rich man might leave his children enough money to make it possible for them to do almost anything they want, but he would be a fool to leave them so much money that they ended up doing nothing at all.”

Warren Buffett, The Guardian.

“The first 40 years of life is text, the rest is commentary.”

Arthur Schopenhauer, The Guardian

Submit your Witticisms here

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